I'll be the First to Admit It
Written by: Trisha Moser
I have a temper. I’ll be the first to admit it!
I can hold a grudge. I know that it’s true!
A temper and a grudge do not work well together when I am trying to raise decent human beings.
I mean, a temper can get my kids to pay attention, but not in a healthy way.
And a grudge can remind my kids of poor choices in the past, but not in a way that teaches them anything.
A temper and a grudge can only tear my kids apart and drain all their self-confidence.
I don’t want to be that kind of mom.
I don’t want to be the mom that tears her kids apart and reminds them of their mistakes. When my smallest human writes on the wall for the third time this week with permanent marker I could say to her, “You just did this yesterday, and two times the day before. Do you remember how you had to clean it off, and how mommy was mad, and how you got a timeout, and how you hit your sister yesterday, and how you peed on the floor, and every other bad thing that you did wrong?!”
Yes, I could say that. Because when my temper mixes with a grudge from yesterday, or even from five minutes ago, my good intentions of lovingly correcting my kids turns unkind.
I don’t want to be the kind of parent that loses her patience because I have asked my son to do the same thing multiple times. I could loudly say, “Didn’t I ask you to put your laundry away 3 times already?! How many times do I have to ask you to do the same thing? This is your last chance before I give you a ridiculous punishment because my temper is controlling my brain right now.”
Yep, I could totally say that. Like I said, tempers and grudges are not good things on their own, much less mixed together. Instead of letting my emotions control me, much like my two-year-old does, I have to be the adult here.
Instead of being cruel to my children and tearing them down, I can choose to say, “I see that you drew on the wall again. What do you think we should do about this? It makes me sad when you do things that you aren’t supposed to do. Let’s try to do better next time.”
My kids still get discipline as a result of this, but because I am not using my temper to decide their fates, they get a consequence that is deserving of the crime.
This is a struggle for me, and I certainly mess it up. But my kids hear me say “I’m sorry” almost as much as they hear me say “I love you forever, no matter what.”
Those two phrases are so important as parents. I think we all know that “I love you” is important, but we forget to model humility to our kids by saying, “I’m sorry.”
So today let’s love our kids by saying both. Let’s show them the good things in us, and model how to handle our daily struggles. Don’t be afraid to mess up and apologize. There are few greater lessons that can be taught than how to own up to our mistakes and apologize.
Let’s raise our tiny humans to be decent adults, and let’s begin by teaching them love and humility together. You got this!
Posted in: Parenting,